How running helped me deal with work separation anxiety
Using a good habit to curb anxiety
For as long as the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, this statement was unavoidable. I have work separation anxiety. That is I feel the urge to work and constantly work when I am at the office. This makes it hard to take breaks. It makes it hard to take a decent lunch. There is this constant feeling inside me that all that time could have been better spent. There is this constant feeling inside me that the only way to work is to work hard until I tire out. This makes it very difficult for me to stop a task I’m doing, even to take a break. This makes it hard for me to go home on time. This makes it hard for me to separate myself from the task at hand.
The way I viewed productivity
The notion that I have to work tirelessly to be productive is obviously false. But my view of productivity and progress has driven me to this point.
As software developers, we have our own measures of how big tasks are and how long they should take to complete. Those measures aren’t the problem. The problem is my view that the only way I have been productive, I have been useful, is if I only meet those measures. I’ve realized that, that is neither correct nor healthy. The measure of productivity is not how many tasks you complete. At least not that alone. The measure of productivity is how you deal with and handle the prioritization of tasks. This is so important because things always come up. And as you become more senior, more and more things arise throughout your day. You spend more time in meetings, taking care of your junior developers, and handling the administrative aspects of your team. Balancing all these things means you’ve had a successful day, in my humble opinion.
This is important because all the time management skills you have can help you be more efficient. There is one thing they can never do for you. They can never give you more time. That’s a sad fact especially if you’re overworked. Many of us have too many responsibilities to shoulder. Having a modest view of your responsibilities can help you not to burn out. Because they will always, ALWAYS, be too much work to do.
In my shortsightedness, all I could see is how many tasks I’m getting done. Because of this, I pressured myself to work as much as possible. Working very quickly before something comes up. Before I have to do anything not related to my current task. In all that self-inflicted pressure I overlooked one simple thing. The brain needs to rest and rest frequently. The word overlooked is important. These are all things I know but they are really hard to accept. It’s hard to accept that part of a productive workday involves not working for a time. It’s hard to accept that I can’t just force solutions to come. Part of it is ego driven. The good ol’ “I can bend any problems to my will” mentality. A view which helps no-one and only contributes to stress and frustration.
Dealing with the self-inflicted pressure
How am I learning to deal with this self-inflicted pressure? I run. Hear me out. I’m not going to preach that exercise is the answer to all our problems. But, the location and duration of the run are worth noting.
At least two times a week, I get to the office and instead of running straight to work, I head to the top floor. We are fortunate enough to have a running track on the roof. Thus, for at least 15 minutes I run. I run despite us having tough deadlines. I run despite having pending queries from other teams.
It might sound silly but it took me a week to convince myself that it was okay to run despite whatever is going one.
That’s helped me greatly. How so? Because of those 15 minutes, I could be working, I could be “making progress”. But I’m running instead. I could be furiously punching away at the keys on my keyboard but instead, I’m going to stretch. I’m going to do a practice lap. Then I’m going to start running. And when I finish running? I’m going to take a few minutes to appreciate the beautiful sunrise. This has been one of the hidden perks of running in the mornings and on the roof. Seeing the sun slowly rise as I do my laps around the track.
To my surprise, when I finally arrive at my desk (after taking as a shower of course) the world hasn’t ended. The work I have to do is still there. But I tackle it feeling focused and refreshed. Apparently, exercise has its benefits. Who knew?
I still have a long way to go. I am still a habit or two away from feeling comfortable about leaving the work at hand. Being able to do it another day, being able to take frequent brakes and taking a long lunch. In fact, doing an activity that is completely unrelated to the work I have at hand has been a great start. Do you share the struggle I have? Speaking to a few developers, I’ve found that this challenge is a lot more common than I thought it was. So think about this.
What good habits can you develop that can help you deal with your work separation anxiety?
